I was born in Boston in 1972. In 1973, I decided to study French and so moved to France, bringing my parents with me. I lived in Bures-sur-Yvette (RER B) until 1977 studying playtime activities at l'Ecole Maternelle. I then moved to Paris and focused more on gym, "red-light-green-light-1-2-3" (there known as "Un-Deux-Trois-Soleil"), English, French and math at l'Ecole d'Aujourd'hui. I moved back to the States in 1980, spending a year in Boulder, Colorado (Flatirons Elementary School) before finally moving permanently to New York City. Starting with Flatirons, my math was set back for about 4 years (3rd grade math in France = 7th grade math in the States). I was somehow able to survive junior high at the United Nations International School (a far less tolerant society than its model, the nearby UN) and in 1986 fled to Stuyvesant High School, a safe-haven for pro-learning students. I left my parents and my cat, Kitty, in 1990 to attend college in central New Jersey (Exit 9 for you Jerseyites). There I met my wife, Mia. After getting a BA in math, I moved to Stanford and somehow received my PhD in math in 1999 despite everyone else dropping out to become soon-to-be IRS-wanted dot-com paper-millionaires. Missing New Jersey, I returned to visit the Institute for Advanced Study for a year. There I was able to relearn my cold-weather survival techniques in preparation for a three-year stint at the arctic University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. Just to make sure I absolutely did not miss the not-too-hot, not-too-cold, never-humid casual Bay Area atmosphere, I checked out the Berkeley/Oakland area for the academic 2003-2004 year visiting MiSeRI. Sure enough, concluding that I needed sweltering summers and freezing winters, I made my final move to the comparably arctic University of Massachusetts in Amherst, not too far from where I was born. I retired from the department in 2036 and switched focus from mathematics to politics. On a whim, I won my first election, becoming the 46th president of the United States. After serving the near maximum of 5 consecutive terms, I felt too beholden to the corporations that had financed my campaigns and so again sought out a career change...